#day1 – en route to America

 

The route of my forefathers? How many Jews made this journey in perilous conditions escaping the holocaust less than 80 years ago? 

And here I am, on my way to USA. How strannnnge! I honestly can’t wait to see what people are really like!? Will they all be really fat? Trump-lovers? Will they think that England’s in London? Will they be modified,.. genetically,.. plastically?

Meanwhile, I’m stuck in Heathrow Airport lounge.. such weird places – does anyone ‘get’ duty free in the UK? It’s a con, right? For a start, if it were truly ‘duty-free’ surely this tobacco/alcohol/sunglasses things would be the same price in every country? And who wants to buy 2 giant bags of Bounty’s for £10? I don’t mind the occaisional coconut-ty chocolate treat, but that just makes me nauseous.

I’m through customs and check super fast (compared to my normal rigmarole of bubble luggage) and have too much time to spare. Argggh! I can’t go on! It's too early in the morning and i've no self control.. I have to have that luxury travel pillow! It’s a 24 hour journey! I don’t even care that it’s £25! It’s damned comfy!

And chocolate… I need chocolate! If it’ll make me more comfortable during the first stage of my super-journey, then goddamnit, I’m buying those delicious looking chocolate covered almonds! Anyway, surely it’s practise for the land of uber consumerism.

You know one of the things i do like about travelling these days is that my bubbles are in every Airport's electrical store! If you haven't seen it already, here's the ad i created for Apple's new Macbook: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBzOS6IIlmk

I can’t wait to go shopping for my kids to an American sweet shop so I can bring them back Tootsie Rolls and Twinkies and god knows what else.. My dad went to work in America on business when I was a kid and he came back with all kinds of weird sweets, plus Astronauts’ dehydrated ice-cream! And a Casio VL Tone! I loved that little keyboard – tiny plastic keys that barely fit to your finger and a ‘demo’ tune that’d drive you up the wall! All we got in the UK was the Stylophone and look where that ended up?

Will I be stunned by the food? I suspect so.. I’m expecting larger than life portions and a lack of vegetarians. Will I be abducted by UFO’s? Sign an NDA and meet Elvis? Oooh, what’s that newspaper that you hear about on Michael Moores tv show? The National Enquirer? Is that still going? In some kind of sicko way, i’d love to get a little taste of the true American bubble. Y’know the one, I’m sure.

What cutltural differences will I find?

Do you know? Have you been? What should I do? Where should I go? How bizarre did it get for you?

Written by Sam Heath — January 26, 2016

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